tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post2034629501083239723..comments2023-10-01T10:27:21.384-04:00Comments on the art of grief: to the people who don't understandabandonedsoulshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-90713724354615374532017-05-12T22:54:24.868-04:002017-05-12T22:54:24.868-04:00Every word in this post I could relate to. I want ...Every word in this post I could relate to. I want to first say how brave it is to share your experience with loss and grief with the world, so thank you. This makes me want to talk more and not grieve in silence. Two years ago, I lost my father to cancer. Recently I "woke" to the real physical and emotional pain. It had taken a huge toll on my life. Sometimes I wander through the days not feeling connected to anything and more like a numb bubble. I have watched my mom deal with the loss and like you said people always criticize or condemn what she says and feels. Even from my own family who constantly tell her to get over it, move on, go find another man etc and etc. I've had my fair share of cruel opinions over the years and still it dumbfounds me the stupidity of people who have never lost a loved one but always feel inclined to judge how I grieve. It's so hard but when I read posts like these and hear stories from those who can relate, I don't feel so alone. So thank you and I hope that now 5 years later you are coping and living well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-44664974303035615732016-09-22T10:00:43.302-04:002016-09-22T10:00:43.302-04:00I found your blog when I googled "people who ...I found your blog when I googled "people who don't understand grief". I can't thank you enough for putting into words exactly how I feel. My beloved husband and soulmate died suddenly and unexpectedly in December 2014. And since then I feel as if I have walked the gauntlet of insensitive comments, judgemental opinions and blatant stupidity. Many people have been kind and sensitive but many have not and I feel as if I have to put in a brave face in order to defend myself against the harshness of pressure to "move on". Most of these insensitive comments seem to me to stem from everyone's opinion as to how long grief should last, and indeed, everyone has a different opinion on this. Some think 6 months, 12 months, 18 months, 5 years. I understand that for one who have e pertinence the death of a loved one that they are projecting their own recovery period onto me. But it doesn't work that way. Each person's grief is unique, and this is just as it should be because our relationship with the person who died was unique. Therefore, it follows that my grief is unique to my relationship with my husband, and regardless of other's opinions, it is going to take me as long as it needs to rebuild my life. I may find love again in the future or I may not - the point here is that it is not up to others to opine on if/when or how this happens - they are not the ones who have had to rebuild their world all over again - I am the one who has to do this, somehow. Thank you for posting this blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-9007567257938461632015-04-25T23:00:57.579-04:002015-04-25T23:00:57.579-04:00I came across this when I googled grief - hey it w...I came across this when I googled grief - hey it was a top post! But, I searched it for a reason which I won't go into what you did here is about you, not me. <br /><br />I wish I could put into words the support I feel for you right now. You are absolutely entitled to feel how you do and no, no one is allowed to diminish or take this away from you. I'm so sorry to learn about your husband and I hope things are just a little better now for you. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-87140634057105610882013-10-10T00:43:17.796-04:002013-10-10T00:43:17.796-04:00The love of my life died on August 1st of this yea...The love of my life died on August 1st of this year. I am so screwed up! I relive all our moments together. I get so frustrated. One friend thinks she knows how it feels. She's never been in a long-term relationship. I get so angry with her that I'm tempted to shut down the friendship. At the same time, I know I haven't exactly been myself lately, Lately, I hate the world. Thank you for your website. You helped remind me that I'm not alone. I'll visit again. Thank you.Sherrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-24110649436427608632012-07-26T13:53:41.088-04:002012-07-26T13:53:41.088-04:00I don't know who has said these cruel, insensi...I don't know who has said these cruel, insensitive and (insert swear word) stupid words to you. <br /><br />I'm remembering our last chat on the phone ... and reading this post has just re-iterated the fact that we had the real thing, you know. Clearly, they didn't. So in a VERY kind of messed up way, even though we will always miss them ... we were so privileged and lucky.<br /><br />How DARE anyone tell YOU how to grieve? Your grief, your heart, your timeline. YOURS.<br /><br />ILY<br /><br />xBoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10695496303699631884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-6034921090550764732012-07-17T16:57:46.052-04:002012-07-17T16:57:46.052-04:00Judy, i won't lie to you. you'll feel lik...Judy, i won't lie to you. you'll feel like that for a long while. having said that, i will say this. you will grow use to it. you will find your ways to work around those feelings, or adapt to them, deal with them. it hasn't been a year yet. be kind to yourself. don't hurry the process or the journey because skipping over any part of it means you will meet it further down the road making you wish you had dealt with it during the first go round.<br /><br />i wish you peace. i wish you comfort. i wish you restful sleep.<br /><br />~~<br /><br />Lonesome Dove, =:0) <~ that's a smiley face with bunny ears, i think. maybe, possibly.abandonedsoulshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-7561187221319258802012-07-16T14:01:14.307-04:002012-07-16T14:01:14.307-04:00I am SO proud of you!!! This post says so much ab...I am SO proud of you!!! This post says so much about your journey. You go, girl.....in whatever direction you want and whatever pace suits YOU!!!!! <br /><br />((HUGS))Lonesome Dovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06881549775828742714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-61529530760336503802012-07-16T10:31:07.060-04:002012-07-16T10:31:07.060-04:00I've been trying to push myself past the griev...I've been trying to push myself past the grieving stage, but it really isn't working. I've put away his shoes by the front door and his picture that was on the shelf, but none of that keeps the feelings away. They are forever in my heart and mind. I was so proud that I hadn't cried in two weeks and then yesterday, talking to an older couple that reminded me of how Fred and I used to be and the tears poured down my face. I was embarassed and worried that I had made them uncomfortable. When you are "connected at the hip" as people use to say about Fred and I--I am unbalanced without him--like I had some part of my body amputated and I can't seem to move properly. It's just there all the time and I guess it always will be--no matter how hard I try to laugh and show people how well I am doing--it's all a farce!!!Judyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03399435237919718544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-41882692935775842702012-07-16T08:27:14.332-04:002012-07-16T08:27:14.332-04:00thank you, Nancy, for your comment. i am glad you...thank you, Nancy, for your comment. i am glad you did not censor yourself - death as opposed to loss for they are not lost. i believe as well that we will be together in the beyond, Paradise, Heaven....<br /><br />i wish you peace. i wish you light.abandonedsoulshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6580898742645753422.post-31888371370206971562012-07-15T16:42:58.252-04:002012-07-15T16:42:58.252-04:00It's one of the reasons I don't comment al...It's one of the reasons I don't comment although I've read your blog for years now - I can't presume to know you, I can only listen to what you feel compelled to put out into the blog world. I am grieving the death of a son - funny, I typed "loss" because that is the common term but I corrected it to "death" because my son is not lost. I know exactly where he is and that I will see him again. So I LIVE in the in between place, the longing and the living. I am "getting on with my life" in the sense that life moves ever forward and I am pulled with it. But not a day goes by that I don't think of him, miss him, long to hear his voice/laugh, or to feel the big over-powering crush of his hug and a kiss on my cheek. I have two other children, two grandchildren, a wonderful husband, but nothing will ever fill the hole in my world - until the day - oh that surely coming day, when I will pass through the portal of eternity and I see him standing there on the porch, waiting for me. That hole is not my whole life but it is significant and unfillable. Like you I have simply added to my daily life: 1) miss my son, 2) keep his memory alive for his niece and nephew, 3) anticipate eternity even more, everyday. <br />Peace, <br />NancyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com