11 August 2010 ~ wedding anniversary

my eyes pour out their sorrow

while my mind smiles

and embraces our memories.

if i keep my eyes closed forever

i'll be able to hold you close

through the darkest days.

i cry out to the night,

and to the morning,

"i need you,

i love you,

come back to me."

but my words fall back

on me like the heaviest snow

on the most brutal winter day

and i fall back onto the bed with

eyes half closed and arms stretched out

to accept the staggering pain of the loss of you.

this day keeps coming back to my mind. there was a brutal wind and gold sunshine before the coming storm. i kept taking my gloves off to use the camera. and i got cold.

i keep hearing your voice, remembering all the words of love and concern from that day

here on the eve of our wedding anniversary.

"oh, baby, don't lay down. oh, my love, stand up."

"no, honey, you're not too warm, you're actually very cold."

"i'll get you home. i'll get you warm."

"don't cry, baby. it's not your fault."

"stay awake for me. look at me, baby. that's it. keep looking at me."

"i'm sorry but the water needs to be warm. oh, love, i know it hurts."

"no, your fingers look fine. they do. i promise."

"these are my sweats. they're heavier, much thicker and warm."

'lean on me. let me put these socks on for you. i just got them out of the dryer."

"here, drink this. yeah, i know. i put whiskey in it, but it'll help warm you up."

"you're looking better. how's my Beach Bunny? you feelin' alright?"

and the one that haunts me so tonight as it did last night

"i don't know what i'd do if i lost you. you're my very soul."

happy anniversary, Dragon, my love, my very soul.

i miss you & i love you.

you are the voice inside my head that keeps me together.

even knowing i'd be sitting here tonight as i am,

deeply in love with you,

deeply in mourning,

i'd do it all over again.

i'd say, "i do."