how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, August 5, 2011

happy birthday, my love

"i wish for a moment that Time would lift me out of this day, and into some more benign one. but then i feel guilty for wanting to avoid the sadness; dead people need us to remember them, even if it eats us, even if all we can do is say i’m sorry until it is as meaningless as air." ~ Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler’s Wife
Posted by abandonedsouls at 7:01 AM
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4 comments:

Sandy said...

I am glad you have enabled comments again! I know this is a tough time for you right now and I also know that nothing I say can make it all better. Just please know I think of you often and hope for a bit of peace for you.

August 5, 2011 at 10:44 AM
megan said...

haapy birthday dragon.

August 5, 2011 at 2:50 PM
abandonedsouls said...

thank you both for your kindness. peace.

August 5, 2011 at 7:08 PM
Judy said...

As long as there is someone on this earth who remembers him--he is not really gone--he is waiting just beyond that door. Happy Birthday, Dragon.

August 6, 2011 at 10:34 AM

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