Easter

it's almost Easter.

my grief has been with me for 6 years now.

i don't know if i can call it grief.

i am not in deep grief.  it has been 6 years.

but i miss him and i call myself widow, not single.

i wear my wedding rings.

is what i feel grief? or have i moved on?

i haven't moved on from him but i have moved on with my life.

i'm not stagnant. i work.  i consider my needs.  i think about my family.

i make plans.  i hope for things like a nice vacation,

pain control of my foot and my arm.

but it is Spring.

it is Easter, almost.

it is a time to reflect and rejoice.

i have so much to be grateful for.

i have these guys.  my roomies.

i love my Carmen Sophia and Scootie Wootums.

we cuddle, walk, talk; we live together, truly live our lives.

we dance and laugh and watch tv. they wait for me when i am at work and rush home to them.

i love them so very much.

i have my son who is so wonderful.  i am so proud of him.

he has a great job and would do anything for me.

he helped me buy my car.  he got me my new fancy phone.

he calls me once or twice a week.

most of all that is so important to me,

he confides in me.  he tells me things.

he treats me like his mom and not his aging mother.

i love him so very much.

i have these two.  my daughter and grandson.

they bring such joy to my life.

my daughter and i talk 2 - 3 times a day during my work days.

on my days off, we talk more than that.

and i go see her and help her out.

we play with Finn.  we talk and talk as women will do.

she worries about me and i worry about her.

we are kindred spirits 

as well as mother and daughter.

and i have my Sanctuary.

a place of my own.

a place i have made my own.

a place i retreat to and feel safe.

i miss him.  i talk to him.  i talk about him.

am i still grieving?

i truly have no idea what to call it.

i know i have so much to be happy about.

do i wish he were here to be a part of it?

yes.

am i over his death?

i am over the fear and shock.

but i am not over him not being here.

do i deal with it in a healthy way.

i don't know what someone would call this, but this works for me.

i wish everyone a happy Spring.

i wish those who believe a happy Easter.

peace to all who read.  peace and light to all who grieve.