what's the point

what is the point of this life? really, what is the point? what am i supposed to be doing here still?

my children are grown. they still want me here but they don't need me.

and he is gone. he left me alone here to face a life that has never been easy. never.

i woke up sobbing this morning. my own sobbing is what woke me up. i could not, did not want to face the day, people, work, life. i am so tired of living. not suicidal, just tired of living. i need rest. a break. no one seems to see past my facade of coping. i am desperately trying to save myself, but sometimes one person cannot throw themselves a rope, and i feel, today anyway, like i am at the end of the only rope i have.

i opened my eyes and i saw this face.

so i got up and walked them both in the coolish morning air.

if i did not have them..........

my heart is broken, i believe, beyond repair.

to be sick, to be diagnosed with the things i now face, to only have my daughter to tell a few things to.

i am tired.

here is my soul laid bare. at exactly 2 years and 8 months, on the nose, today, i woke up sobbing because i desperately miss him.

i have my two grown children and i have my dogs. and i have the majority of my stuff back, so i get up and continue. the book of my life will end somehow, someday. i don't want it to be read as: "she gave up."

absolutely nothing to say except.......

Bunny just wanted to say she is going to the doctor's this afternoon, and she is oozing worry. *sigh* she also wouldn't mind it if life were different.

here are here demands. 1. she still lived in Rockport, and 2. her lovely, lovely Dragon were by her side.

she is willing to spend the rest of her fuzzy little life sewing and painting and writing and making stained glass and taking photographs just to get this all back. but Bunny thinks all God is going to do is give her a gentle little hug. *sigh*
that's all she wanted to say. she is going to go cry now. will let you know how it goes.