how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.
Showing posts with label online friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label online friends. Show all posts

Saturday, December 19, 2009

dream home ~ new link

i do not know if i will write much of any length before Christmas and i cannot leave my last post up as the last one before Christmas. it was written from despair and more than a bit of anger that i usually keep pressed down deep inside.

i have added a "gadget" over there on the right. ~~> see it? "Home is where the heart is." i wanted to show you photos of the house my Dragon and i were going to buy. we were going to save it together. think new shingles and stone. instead of white, there would be colors. a new light in the tower and of course, a new roof. but click the little link and go see some of my favorite photos of our dream home. as the Righteous Brothers sing, "i'm dreaming my life away." but that's okay. right now, that's where i am.
if you click to make the above photo larger you will see my Dragon reflected in the lower level master bedroom window. i wonder if there are times when he still flies by to check on our "dream home."
it looks out over Rockport harbor. we had such plans. one day i'll splurge and by myself new oil paints and i'll paint our vision of this house.

thank you all for being there during the dark times. it is to you that i reach out. now, i am going to embroider a border around the first of Suddenwidow's quilts.