fear and worry

wish i knew what to say.  just reaching out to anyone who will listen.  fear and worry are taking over my life.  money.  stress.  my daughter is the same way.  gas is almost $4 a gallon.  $20 barely gets me half a tank and i have to drive 30 minutes each way.

and i have been told not to hang from a rope about a raise.  my store did not earn enough.  the traffic through there and the things they bought compared to other larger stores in more tourist areas did not make enough.  even the tourist area stores are down.  so how do i pay rent, gas, car payment, bills, and eat when i cannot afford those things?

really?  all the hard work i put into that store and there is no cost of living raise?  not even a $1 more an hour?

and looking for a job now, at my age, in this economy.............

fear and worry.  wish i had someone to talk to.  to unburden on.  holding it all in and crying alone on my own.

maybe i won't have to worry for long.  the freakin' stress will kill me.

i see the world so differently now.  so few care.  everyone is in the water fighting to hold on.  and the ones that have a place on the raft are trying to get away from the rest of us as fast as they can.

"this is the way the world will end

not with a bang but a whimper."  ~ T.S. Eliot

i hear the whimpering every day.  and with the intensity of my own fear and worry, my own has joined the chorus.

i need some hope.  can't seem to find where i lost mine.

oh, how much i wish he were here to talk to, to lean on, to help me.  the grieving process slows, comes to a complete halt, when there are so many worries.  it's a cruel, antagonistic world.  i need ............. something.