something wicked this way comes

tumultuous mind

money worries

health fears

loneliness rules Bunny's heart

seeing people's vacation photos

knowing she can never take a day off

knowing it will be a long, long time

before she'll walk by the ocean again.

all the invisible things

she clutches tightly to her chest.

all the physical things

she's lost along the way.

is it a storm brewing,

or is Bunny making mountains

out of molehills?

only time will tell.

Bunny lives her life

in a house of sticks

and the wolf might be

at the door.

right now she's staring at his birthday,

the 2.5 year mark,

her wedding anniversary;

all housed within 6 terrible, memory-filled days.

none of Bunny's "friends"

have been with her for longer than 2 years.

some have not touched base

in weeks and weeks.

was it something she wrote?

something she didn't?

something she is?

something she isn't?

is there a physical storm

brewing on Bunny's horizon?

or is it only in her

lonely, terrified little heart?

either way,

she's waiting for the

other shoe

to drop.

~~@

come back to me,

oh, please, come back for me.

wait for me, my love.

i need you so,

i can't do this, you know?

sit with me, my love.

~

p.s. added 31st July: i keep checking back to see if anyone has any kind thing to say. *sigh* i've always heard, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." so i guess that's it.

the walking dead

i feel like the walking dead. i am drained. too much bad. so little good that happens. something terrible happened today. i could see the signs of this coming, like "red sky at morning."i am in tears, sobbing. i wish i could talk about it to you, to someone, but at this moment it is still so very private. it is only a phone call kind of conversation, or face-to-face.

i feel caved in. i feel sick. i feel dead inside when i think of life. i am too tired of living. there has to be a time for me during this life when all things are okay. i do not need magnificent. joy is so far away as to be unreachable. i just want "okay."

i need him back. i really need him here right now. this is something he can do. this is something he can make right. but when i look up, he is still gone, still dead, still never coming back to help me, to stand with me, to be here with me.

me and my daughter need him so bad. we need our Dragon.

please, please, can you hear me calling you? i need you. she needs you.
where are you? help me. please, help me. i am so tired. i can't sleep anymore. i need you. life has handed me so much more than i think i can take.

~~~~~~~~

update: i just called her and her voice sounds strong. she is a strong woman. even though Dragon was not her biological father, she has so much of him inside her, so much of his strength and spirit. she is his daughter in her soul. God, i love them both so much. i love my son and daughter and my beloved Dragon. please take care of us. please help us get through this. and please, above all, don't let anything bad happen to her. keep her safe.

last update for tonight: she just called. her friends came and got her. she is going to stay with them in their guest room for a few nights. she is safe. her voice is strong and determined. most of all, she is safe. friends and mothers. sometimes that is enough to keep the monster away so a girl can get some rest and breathe.