Bunny / Wall*E

tired. Bunny is very tired. so am i. we both are. Bunny and me. me and the Bun. one and the same and yet, one is stoic while the other is the sensitive one who allows herself to cry out loud. in private, of course. Bunny may be sensitive but she is not an exhibitionist.

Bunny has fun at work. i keep up the pretense so that i can hopefully keep the job, make it permanent. it is a good place to work. fun. toys. dressing up bunnies and bears and dogs. i am, at present, typing while i watch Wall*E. i love this movie. i have never gotten to see the whole thing, but tonight i am. he is so interested in his job and yet so soulfully lonely. Bunny feels a little like him. she works very hard, but she carries within her such longing for her Dragon. Bunny is lonely like Wall*E.

pssst. see the photo of Bunny below? she is limp. she has gotten her Cube of Love and is just lying there. her Dream Journal has slipped from it's spot and smacked her little face. yes, Bunny has had so many nightmares of late that she is keeping a journal. the Matriarch of Grief and Joy thinks there may be a pattern there, there may be something there. of course there is. Bunny already knows the direction of the undertow in her psyche. she will not say it here but, Bunny knows. Bunny is not so blind that she cannot see the gauntlet in her own life.

*sigh.*

Bunny gets home and first takes Miss Carmen Sophia the Wild Gypsy Girl and her lovely brother, Mr. Scootie Wootums, Lord of the Dance with the Stardust Eyes out for walkies. but then she flops on the sofa and wilts. tired. ears ringing. limp like a noodle. and thirsty. oh, my gosh, have mercy, Bunny is thirsty from all the talking and all the heart ceremonies she performs every day. and then she has to coddle her Scotties. they have missed her fiercely so she talks them down from their fears that Bunny is never going to come home.

'nother *sigh.*

Bunny is very weary these days.

ruined Christmas. Bunny's son cannot come for Christmas. he had said he would since he missed last Christmas and he missed this Thanksgiving. but the Great Puppet Master did something or other and my son is going north for Christmas for 7 days. so sad. so tearful. if Bunny thinks about it too much she crumples into a little Bunny heap and cannot function for a while.

okay? if she does that, is that giving in, or expunging poison? hmmmm. the great debate over that may commence.

Bunny came home from work the other day and found a gifty at the door. a big box with a little Christmas tree in it that had little wooden ornaments in it. she fluffed it and decorated it and put it on the bookshelf by her bed.
it smells all piney in her bedroom, which is poetic since Bunny pines for her Dragon. {Bunny is so funny even when its kinda sad.}
Bunny misses her Dragon very, very, very much.

Bunny has a big query to put out there for her dear readers. Bunny was at the post office last Tuesday to mail a quilt to someone. while standing in line with her daughter, the man behind starting talking to Bunny. he overheard where Bunny worked. Bunny was polite. Bunny was nice. Bunny's daughter said Bunny was a polite, nice person to the man and that the man was flirting with Bunny. Bunny scoffed at her daughter and said, "next, the grocery store."

BUT, the next day at work, this man showed up at Bunny's store and bought a gift card. he talked to Bunny again, making little jokes. Bunny took the second to talk to her store's "guest" very politely and while she did this she touched her wedding rings. the man did not seem to notice. today, the man came back and Bunny pointed him out to her manager. now both of us girls think this is a little much. the manager made sure that Bunny did not have to wait on this "guest" again, but he sort of hung around until she had to. he bought another gift card. nice for Bunny, but kinda creepy. when Bunny left this afternoon, the manager called for a security guard to sort of follow Bunny out to make sure she was not followed.

still another sigh. is Bunny being paranoid? her manager did not think so. he has been nice but very much hovering on the periphery. cannot put her finger on it but Bunny gets an Off Feeling about this.

any thoughts for the Bun?

okay, Christmas Day ~ she has her Christmas Day plans all set. she is not going to tell anyone, not even you, dear readers, until the day of. she is accepting of and satisfied with her plans. it will be what is best for everyone concerned. no worries about Bunny. she knows how to put one little fuzzy foot in front of the other.
but she is very, very sad these days. crawling up on 2 years. 365 days x 2 = 730. *sigh.* she is quietly, deep inside kind of sad. the kind of sad that only someone who knows Bunny can see. but you have to see her to see it. and she wears her glasses to hide it. Bunny does not wear rose-colored glasses. she wears shades. as in "so much pain her dazzled eyes refused to see." Bunny protects her eyes from the dazzling, burning pain that looking at her life, and her future, can do to her little Bunny retinas.

Bunny sometimes thinks of the day when she will no longer be tired. she will be free to fly away with her Dragon. she will not hurry it along, but she does think of it, of what it will be like to no longer worry, to no longer be so tired.
just "fly me away with you my love."

~~

oh, no!! Wall*E is hanging on for dear life to the side of Eva's rocketship! he is leaving his little cockroach friend behind! ohhhhhh! another lonely soul. Bunny has to go and watch Wall*E, and see if he can find Eva, and then get them back to Earth so the little cockroach is no longer alone.

*sigh* i hope it works out for Wall*E and the little cockroach. no one should be alone in the world.