how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Poem From a Recent Widow ~ Me

How can I make it, make it through another night?

How can I last alone, last without your warmth and light?

When the angels came and took you it was far too soon and so

I have no idea how to go ahead when there’s no place to go.


How do I get up each day, get up to “move on” as they say?

Where am I supposed to go when I can’t even face the day?

Why is moving forward the thing to do when doing it feels so wrong,

When all I see is you not there, knowing life will be so long?


Why does time continue on, continue the wear and tear,

On a sad and lonely woman who now no longer cares?

The seasons now will come and go and holidays will pass me by

But the emptiness that I feel right now will never, ever die.


How do I live without you now, have any kind of life?

When my whole world was you and I just wanted to be your wife?

I need your touch, your voice and your strong hands holding onto mine

I can’t do this without you so “move on?”  I graciously decline.


Post a Comment