how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014


i am starting the move to my sanctuary.
i have pictures.
i'm painting it and making it my own.

 the walls of the stairwell will be lavender.

my street.

i'll be moving in by August 1st.

i am in love with this space, with the yard, the street,
the peace and quiet.
i will post more photos as i get moved in.

i just wanted anyone who still reads this blog to know
that i am doing this; that this is my choice.
this is part of my journey to find a place for me that is all mine.

i got the transfer to the new store.
my fingers are crossed for a gentler life.
for a quieter life.
for a less stress-filled life.