and my children were understanding and patient with my enduring watching them fly away to their own lives. they call. they write. they visit. the Three Musketeers we were during their childhood survived the transition of the younger Musketeers growing into adulthood.
they have both told me they remember how i put myself in front of them to protect them, and now, it is their turn to protect me. i have leaned on my children; my daughter more since i live near her. "my daughter will be my daughter for the rest our lives." she carts me on my errands. she intervened for me with bulldog tenacity with the dentist drama. a recent explosion with the ex resulted in taking me down to a level i have not been in in a very long time. my daughter found out and she went nuclear. she told her brother and both of them verbally ripped him apart.
but today i got my chance to be a mom again for my daughter. she needed me and i felt like maybe there is a reason for me to still be living.
last night she accidently crushed her finger in her sliding glass doors. they are heavy and slide very easily. i have almost gotten my hand caught. this morning her finger was so swollen and painful she could not move it. her husband had already left for work and she was frightened by how much she hurt.
so she called me! her mom. she came over and we went to urgent care. her finger was not broken but there was a lot of blood collected under the nail. they wanted to relieve the pressure and she was scared. i held her hand and stroked her hair. i talked to her throughout the procedure and talked her through breathing deeply when they pressed the blood out through the hole they made. she cried and squeezed my hand so tightly. it reminded me of so many times when she was a little girl and she came to me crying, wanting me to hold her.
then she felt better. the pain was lessening even as we walked to the car. the pressure of the trapped blood was gone. bandaged and ready to go home and lay down, she drove me back to my place to drop me off. i told her to call me when she was safely home.
when she called, she got teary again on the phone. she was so glad i was close by. she was so glad she could call me. she liked that i could take over and be like i used to be.
i told her no matter what happens in life, no matter how much i hurt over the death of our Dragon, i am her mom. i will always be her mom. if i live into my 90's, i will be able to find the inner reserves to stand up for her and in front of her to protect her. she is my beautiful BabyLove, my wild, gypsy baby. and no matter how old she gets, she and i will always be close. no matter how much she takes on for me in my behalf, she will always need me.