two, i finished my opus. the dragons and the full moon. i have 25 of my Dragon's old cotton handkerchiefs. my opus, up there under the blog title, will be the center of the piece i am designing. it has taken me weeks and weeks. i worked on it after i stopped my commission work at 9 every evening. i am happy with it.
i miss him. i feel a longing that wells up inside me at times and i cannot breathe deeply at all. shallow, panting breath and i sob for him. on 8/9 July it will be 17 months.
17 months without our walks to every place we could find,
no cars, no tourists, places only locals knew about,
all along the ocean's edge.......
without his smile,
his arrogance woven with threads of fragility
and hope that i would always love him...
which i do,
which i will.....
without him in every season, especially winters;
i miss him in winter.
his watching over me while we were outside.
the hot showers when we went back inside.
the hot chocolate and snuggling on the sofa against his chest,
in his arms.....
17 months without looking at him when he is unaware of my gaze,
of my studying his form,
17 months without being touched,
without being loved,
without being with my Dragon....
Camp Widow will be a surreal journey. i have my work that i am bringing for the table i am being given. my daughter came over and we worked on my new brochures. new work. new photographs.
i will fly out for San Diego the day after my Dragon's birthday. the day i fly back home will be 18 months, a year and a half since he died. the 11th of August will be our wedding anniversary.
August is my month of Dragon days.
knowing what i know now.....how it would all play out? i would do it again in a heartbeat.
"i would rather have had one breath of his hair,
one kiss of his mouth, one touch of his hand,
than an eternity without it."
~ City of Angels
"when they ask me what i liked the best
i'll tell them it was you."
~ City of Angels
i am bringing my opus to Camp Widow. and i'll have this new song in my head.
"silver moons and paper chains,
faded maps and shiny things.
you're my favorite one-man show.
a million different ways to go.
will you fly me away?
take me away with you,
if only i could go. if only it were so.