how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bunny's Newsy News! w/ pictures!

this is Bunny's news. it is happy. it is also melancholy. in a nutshell, without fanfare.............

Bunny got her stuff back.

when Bunny's first husband evicted her and her son from their home, she had to put all her things in storage. when her lovely, wonderful Dragon died, she could not bring it with her. and being down here in this "other land," she could not drive by her storage unit and touch the doors. she could not put her little forehead against the metal door and remember all her things that were inside.

but her daughter and her son-in-law surprised her two weeks ago by getting on a plane, flying up to New England, and putting it all in a truck and driving in back to their house and unloading it in their garage.

*sniff sniff*

when they opened the garage doors for Bunny to gaze at her stuff for the first time in years and years, Bunny, well, she crumpled to her knees. it was one of the most emotional things Bunny has had to go through. happy, wistful, melancholy, so hard, and yet, so very good.

all of Bunny's things.

almost.

some things were lost. rugs were ruined. beautiful Yankee braided rugs were ruined. Bunny's lovely little sofa was ruined, too. there was a wonderful flat file that she had had for decades was not allowed to come {denied by Voldemort who said it was simply too heavy ~ and it is; a very heavy piece of furniture.}

the other heartbreak was her Dragon's chair. Bunny has written in the past about wanting her Dragon's chair. it was not there. simply NOT THERE.

so Bunny cried bitterly over that loss last week. her daughter held her as they sat on the driveway looking at all their things. Bunny still gets teary about it if she thinks about it too long. she needs to let it go, as she has so many things and people.

she has spent all day today with her things. 1/2 the day in her daughter's garage. 1/2 the day setting things up in her little place. it will be a work in progress for quite a while.

so here are the promised photos.

see Bunny sitting on a box of books? so much stuff shoved into a two car garage. a lifetime of stuff.

Bunny with things put in her car, as much as she could carry up her stairs.

Bunny got her Hello Kitty phone all hooked up. when someone calls her, Kitty's wings and little heart wand light up.

the start of Bunny trying to make a home out of this place where she lives. she wants to feel at home here. it is where life has put her. she needs to find a way to feel at home. and yes, the goose on the table to the far right lights up!!

it will be a slow process of dividing furniture up, giving up things that won't fit in her little place, but those things will go to her children. they will stay within the family and kept with all the memories they hold. Bunny's place is starting to look familiar now. and she knows her things are safe until she can get through it all. it is all within her reach. all she needs is time to go through everything.

tonight, Bunny is going to sit on her sofa and watch some television. she is not going to sew. she is going to relax. she works a 10 hour shift tomorrow, and can hardly wait to come home, open the door, and finally,

finally,

feel like she has come home.

6 comments:

Debbie said...

I'm so happy for you! What a beautiful gift your daughter has given to you. Glad to hear your good news; I'm smiling knowing that something sweet has happened to you. Enjoy coming home tomorrow after work.

thelmaz said...

I'm so happy you got at keast most of your stuff back. WHat a wonderful gift from your daughter to bring it to you.

Dan said...

For the things that arrived safely, I am pleased for you. I'm sure you can't wait to have everything in it's place, then take some more time to sit back and bask in the memories.

Sandy said...

This is just wonderful news!! I am so very, very happy for you Susan....you deserve this. You deserve to have a comfortable, familiar place to come "home" to. Yay! Yay! Yay!

judemiller1 said...

OHMIGOSH!!!!!
What a wonderful gift. It will feel so much better to you to have your familiar things surrounding you. I am so, so very happy for you!!!

abandonedsouls said...

thank you everyone. Bunny is very busy with work and work at "home" and also taking time to put things where she wants them to go. she will take more photos as she gets things set up and puts her little "home" together.

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