how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, July 27, 2012

more Art of Grief to shield herself against August

Bunny has been working and working on a Memory Quilt.  it is the third for this woman.  the first two were for her sons. this one is for her.  she sent me a photograph from a website of the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset with a sailboat sailing under the bridge.  she wanted it on one of her husband's shirts.  Bunny has worked for months and months.

and months.
 finally, just this evening, she has finished it.  just this part.  this one shirt.  there are thousands and thousands, and thousands of stitches in this one piece.
 whew!  Bunny is taking the night off.

and working on her car!!
that's right.  before the Bun moves on to the next part of this quilt, she's gonna paint her car.

see that big photo up there?  she bought paints; good paints, well, quazi-good paints. but paint that beats the dollar store paint all to heck.

ooooooooooo, you can see that Bunny's already got some nice paint splatters on her work shirt.

hang around, or come back sometime to see the finished product.
the Bun loves being creative.  she can hide from her pain and ignore those twinges of wanting to look up and show her Dragon what she's working on.  if she does forget and look up,
she tells herself she was just showing the dogs.

August is coming.
August is his birthday.
August is the 3 and a half year mark.
3 and a half years.
3 and a half y-e-a-r-s.
{Bunny looks around her and looks inside her heart and wonders why it still hurts to badly.}
August is our wedding anniversary.
August is a,
let's just say that August is a 
difficult month
for Bunny.

"may you live a thousand years and i a thousand less one day,
that i may never know when you have passed away."


Debbie said...

It is beautiful. You are so talented. I'm breathing in salt air for both of us and looking for some sand to send you. The only beach we've been to so far was a rocky beach. The boys have set sail on their trip and I'm here alone with my grief and it's flowing like a river. It's not a place of peace and restoration like it's always been and it's very disconcerting. Maybe the pent up grief has to come out first. The ups and downs of grief, the waves, just never stop. I wish you peace. When in Sept do you head down to visit your son?

abandonedsouls said...

hi, Deb, i go Sept. 20th. i'll be with my son for the first day of Fall. he plans on picking me up at the airport and taking me straight to Sea World to see the dolphins! i understand need to let go of the pent up grief before you can open your eyes to the beauty around you. even when i see the moon or a beautiful sunset i think, "i need to get him out here to see this," and i take a hit. i hope the boys are having a great time and most of all i wish you peace.

Life After Death said...

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