how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014


i am starting the move to my sanctuary.
i have pictures.
i'm painting it and making it my own.

 the walls of the stairwell will be lavender.

my street.

i'll be moving in by August 1st.

i am in love with this space, with the yard, the street,
the peace and quiet.
i will post more photos as i get moved in.

i just wanted anyone who still reads this blog to know
that i am doing this; that this is my choice.
this is part of my journey to find a place for me that is all mine.

i got the transfer to the new store.
my fingers are crossed for a gentler life.
for a quieter life.
for a less stress-filled life.


Carol Conway said...

Blessings to you as you follow this new path on your journey!

Judy said...

This just makes me grin from ear-to-ear!! I am so happy for you, Susan!!!!!

Debbie said...

You so deserve some peace in a place that is truly yours. So happy for you. Look forward to seeing pics as you get settled.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog since almost the beginning and right now I'm doing a little happy dance at this great news! Your new place is already shaping up to be like the "wish" photos you've been posting. Looking forward to seeing more and hearing details. Congratulations, Susan.

Anonymous said...

This looks like a lovely place, and something you have been longing for...hope your new "sanctuary" & new place of business work out well for you...Peace & Happiness!

Lourdes Moss said...

Lovely! Wishing much peace and happiness to you....

abandonedsouls said...

thank you so much everyone. i'll keep you all posted.

Sandy/Ct said...

I am so happy for you! It looks wonderful!

Anonymous said...

This looks perfect for you. I hope you can find some peace and happiness here. The dogs look as if they are at home already. Good luck with the new job and the move.

Anonymous said...

Many congratulations, it looks beautiful, so happy for you. Another reader of many years, here comes a new and exciting chapter. Best wishes, Sarah x

Anonymous said...

Come on.....let us see that new sanctuary, unpacked boxes and all. It's August 1.

Anonymous said...

I don't comment here but I have read your blog and prayed for you many times over the last few years. I'm hoping you will feel led to pray for a family that suddenly lost their young wife/mother. Maybe you could offer up some of your grief for the intentions of her family. Her name is Sarah Harkins aka Clay Rosary Girl. I'm sure you will find lots of info if you do a search online.

God Bless

PS I hope you are finding at least some measure of the peace you seek in your new home.

abandonedsouls said...

i am moved and finally have my internet up and running again. i will post some photos later on today ~ my day off.

and i will most definitely offer up my grief and many prayers for Sarah Harkins and her family, and you.

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