today is one hundred days that i've been without him. it's cold without him. i didn't want to wake up but my two dogs wanted me to. they cling to me. we sleep in a pile on my bed. they've stopped looking for him though i did find Scootie Wootums taking a nap inside the closet with his nose on top of his hiking boots.
Carmen Sophia has always been my girl but Scootie adored my husband. two guys not afraid of anything. one hundred days without him.
but i got a gift yesterday afternoon late. one of the women from the group called me to ask if i might make a quilt for her. and she has a bicycle i can use so i don't have to walk everywhere. it was a Godsend. a gift from someone who understands the pain and the struggle to live day-to-day. today it will be minute-to-minute. one hundred days. it sounds like a long time and it is, but then sixty minutes without him was long. i don't know how i've made it this long and i don't want to think about, or face, another day let alone the reminder of my life without him.
i've finished both sides of the first quilt i've been commissioned to do. i'll put it in the frame today to start quilting. i'm going to Netflix my brains out and quilt. and try like hell to get through today.
maybe i'll take a break later and walk up to Loew's to see if they have any daisies.