my children are grown. they still want me here but they don't need me.
and he is gone. he left me alone here to face a life that has never been easy. never.
i woke up sobbing this morning. my own sobbing is what woke me up. i could not, did not want to face the day, people, work, life. i am so tired of living. not suicidal, just tired of living. i need rest. a break. no one seems to see past my facade of coping. i am desperately trying to save myself, but sometimes one person cannot throw themselves a rope, and i feel, today anyway, like i am at the end of the only rope i have.
if i did not have them..........
my heart is broken, i believe, beyond repair.
to be sick, to be diagnosed with the things i now face, to only have my daughter to tell a few things to.
i am tired.
here is my soul laid bare. at exactly 2 years and 8 months, on the nose, today, i woke up sobbing because i desperately miss him.
i have my two grown children and i have my dogs. and i have the majority of my stuff back, so i get up and continue. the book of my life will end somehow, someday. i don't want it to be read as: "she gave up."