that is why i am so glad i planned ahead. up early. before sunrise, still the 19th, this morning at 6 AM. the moon.
but still i wait for it tonight. still i will hope that i can see it.
but still i wait for it tonight. still i will hope that i can see it.i am despondent of late. i am melancholy and quietly suffering. i miss him. like everyone else on this path of widow(er)hood, i am suffering. i love him so and miss him with all my life and breath.
i work and come back here. i still seldom call the apartment home though it is becoming more so as i get more and more tired.
i got good news. i am the associate at work given the most hours. being given hours is based on performance, and i perform. no one would ever know that my soul is dying on the vine. no one knows i am grieving, that i am sighing inside, that i welcome going back to the apartment and to my constant, furry companions and yet i dread walking inside to this empty place, living this empty life.
i think i am going through a bout of depression. but i will not medicate myself through it. i do not want chemical happiness. i just want to keep going.
i wish he were here. i wish i knew if he remembers me, worries about me, but then it really isn't for us to know. i think we are not meant to know otherwise our choices here would be vastly different. for example, i might just sit down and wait for him to come to me, and never lift my head again.
that sounds terribly sad. no worries. i am simply very sad tonight. exhausted. still living under the humidifier. i cannot turn it off yet. i still need it. and that scares me a little.
i think i will just lay down tonight and wait for my Dragon to come. i will cry a lot tonight, which sucks because it will make me more congested. c'est la vie. my "vie." but i will allow myself to give in to this sullen moon. i will hope the clouds part for a moment so i can see the "supermoon." i will lay down and give up and give in ...... at least for tonight.
i think i will just lay down tonight and wait for my Dragon to come. i will cry a lot tonight, which sucks because it will make me more congested. c'est la vie. my "vie." but i will allow myself to give in to this sullen moon. i will hope the clouds part for a moment so i can see the "supermoon." i will lay down and give up and give in ...... at least for tonight."come to me in my dreams and then by day i shall be well again. for the night will more than pay the hopeless longing of the day." ~ W. Shakespeare
