how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.
Showing posts with label grief makes us come up with weird things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief makes us come up with weird things. Show all posts

Saturday, December 25, 2010

wild idea on a lonely Christmas Day

so i am answering an email to Suddenwidow when i had this, what i thought was, an amazing idea. i could make another Bunny, just like my Bunny, and mail her to different people for a "visit."

let me quantify this with: i am alone today. my daughter has already come and gone. i have a cold. maybe it is the guaifenesin talking.

but i could mail Bunny to someone. i would send a journal along with her so everyone could write little notes in it, draw little drawings, put in stickers and tape in postcards. if she goes to another country, put in a coin and a stamp from there. also write about your grief. write down your heart's thoughts to her because she understands what you have lost. she is a good listener.

take little photos of Bunny in the snow, in your home on the sofa munching on the popcorn, beside the water if you live near water {just not in the water}. email the photos to me and when she is returned to me ~ i will set a deadline, like October 1st she needs to be mailed back to me ~ i can write about her travels and print up the photos and mail it to everyone.

she could visit Suddenwidow, Dan, Boo, J in Wales, Lonesome Dove, Judy, all of you who wish to be part of it. let me know where she is and where she is headed and i will plot her on a map.

she could be our fuzzy Ambassador of Grief and Whimsey.

i never thought i would put those two words together.

what do you think? am i crazy? am i living vicariously through Bunny since i cannot go anywhere?

i will make another Bunny since i cannot, cannot, absolutely cannot let this Bunny go. i hope some of you want to participate. let me know either email or as comments and we'll get this started. at worst, it is something to look forward to.
Traveling Bunny of Grief and Whimsey
only she will be in a box and not be bringing so much stuff.