how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

wild idea on a lonely Christmas Day

so i am answering an email to Suddenwidow when i had this, what i thought was, an amazing idea. i could make another Bunny, just like my Bunny, and mail her to different people for a "visit."

let me quantify this with: i am alone today. my daughter has already come and gone. i have a cold. maybe it is the guaifenesin talking.

but i could mail Bunny to someone. i would send a journal along with her so everyone could write little notes in it, draw little drawings, put in stickers and tape in postcards. if she goes to another country, put in a coin and a stamp from there. also write about your grief. write down your heart's thoughts to her because she understands what you have lost. she is a good listener.

take little photos of Bunny in the snow, in your home on the sofa munching on the popcorn, beside the water if you live near water {just not in the water}. email the photos to me and when she is returned to me ~ i will set a deadline, like October 1st she needs to be mailed back to me ~ i can write about her travels and print up the photos and mail it to everyone.

she could visit Suddenwidow, Dan, Boo, J in Wales, Lonesome Dove, Judy, all of you who wish to be part of it. let me know where she is and where she is headed and i will plot her on a map.

she could be our fuzzy Ambassador of Grief and Whimsey.

i never thought i would put those two words together.

what do you think? am i crazy? am i living vicariously through Bunny since i cannot go anywhere?

i will make another Bunny since i cannot, cannot, absolutely cannot let this Bunny go. i hope some of you want to participate. let me know either email or as comments and we'll get this started. at worst, it is something to look forward to.
Traveling Bunny of Grief and Whimsey
only she will be in a box and not be bringing so much stuff.


Dan, in real time. said...

What a great idea. I like the type of energy that is coming from your quiet day. I think that with each Christmas we need to find ways to not only cope, but to find some sense of joy.

megan said...

I love the ambassador of grief. There is something similar, but less fuzzy, with Letter Boxes. I'm in. And hi dan.

Judy Ellsworth said...

What a wonderful idea! I'd love to have Bunny hang out with me here. I don't promise a wildly exciting time but it's warm and sunny more often than not and she should feel comfortable and peaceful here with my dogs, quilts, fabrics and yarns. ;o)

Anonymous said...

Would Bunny like to visit Queensland, Australia? I'd love to host her visit, if she's allowed to travel this far. Can't promise a great adventure, but the adventure would be in the travelling itself. Sad she has to go in a box, though.

Lacey said...

I can't wait to have bunny in Alaska. I will take her on a great adventure in the "last frontier." I'll show her glaciers and eagles and moose... Maybe I'll take her to visit the fire house too. I tell her my sorrows and I'll send her back with love.

womanNshadows said...

i love the response! and yes, Anonymous, she could go to Queensland. i think she would love to. she would come in a box because mailing would be safer for her than being handed off to a stranger on an airplane.

i will get this project together {i.e. make a bunny at Build-A-Bear and get her jeans and shirt} and make a posting about it soon with the concept more gelled, guidelines, and the map and stuff.

For all who wish to participate, please click the link on the right, the About Me, and email me your snail mail address so that i can have them all written in Bunny's Journal to help out on where to send her.

i am excited about this. Bunny, the Traveling Ambassador of Grief and Whimsey. a fuzzy widow, a Bunny who knows what sorrow is, a good listener, a loyal friend, someone to tell your woes to.

Kim said...

I'll be in Australia too...on the Gold Coat and would love to taken Bunny in for a couple days...I'll email you my address when I get there!

Boo said...

Let me know when she can fit me into her round the world trip. I love this idea xxx

Anonymous said...

i would love a visit from the bun !! my girls would be so excited .. my little one said that she could visit her ester bunny while she's here ! awesome and fun idea !! C.

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