f*ck!!!

no health care for me until january. i have to be there for a year. i can't stand this. i really can't. and the b*tch who said she would guide me, my daughter's mother-in-law, whom i haven't heard from since her offer of medical advice, just chimed in on Facebook.

i put her words in puke green because she just regurgitated them out from some "chicken soup for the soul's of stupid people" book she must have read.

Bunny...life's challenges are not always good ones, you've been faced with many of the hardest ones in a short amount of time. Keep your ears up and your pink nose towards the sky, we're praying for you and know that answers come when we need them.

doesn't this b*tch know that i know all about life hardest challenges? i f*cking know already. i need a f*cking break from all these challenges i've faced for 53 years. 50 + 3 = 53 f-ing years i've faced abuse from loved ones and from life. i want to live like the blessed ones for a while. just a short while. enough food. health care. ability to make ends meet. that's all i want. relief from all this stress. just let one thing, ONE THING, go right for me, please.

i hate life today. hate it. why is it so mean? why are people so stupid and self involved and filled with these soulless platitudes? "answers come when you need them." f*ck you. i need answers and help now, you arrogant twit! you're a nurse! you're a f*cking hospital administrator now! give me that advice you offered so melodramatically before. don't make me wait for providence to give me that answers. i need an answer now! i want one now!

i can't take too much more of this. i just can't. oh, God, please don't let me drown.

~~ it's about 2 PM. i'm back from a short day at work. i see the b*tch took her post down. she commented that she only meant to offer comfort. {Susan, I'm sorry you have to face another challenge. I was hoping to provide comfort, I didn't mean to imply that I didn't understand or appreciate the journey your life has been. I truly hope things get better for you.}

contrite? who knows with her. you'd have to meet her to know the teeter totter-ness of her moods. but at least i and my widow friends got our point across. platitudes never work. we need support and suggestions and hope. lots and lots of hope from each other.

thank you ladies. i needed you today. so very down and mad and upset and...... you get the picture.

peace to all who read. peace and light to all who grieve.