Thursday's child

panic attack.  i am in the middle of one at this very moment.  i cannot get my breath.  my chest hurts.  i cannot stop crying.  i feel like i'm having a heart attack.  maybe it would be for the best if i did.  slamming pain into the chest and then gone like he was.  then all this fear and worry would be over.

i am so very scared and my typing that for you, whoever, to read; it doesn't have the impact that it does for me.  this overwhelming fear that is dragging me down into this abyss.  i've interviewed for two jobs and am waiting to hear back.  i think, i believe, i have a chance at both; one more than the other, but the waiting is killing me.

i need to know i have a job that i can transition into.  i need to survive.

there are all these quotes about finding your happiness inside yourself.  there are all these sayings about living rather than just existing.  living.  existing.  those are so far out of my reach.

i just want to survive.

where is my Dragon when i need him?

"it is darkest before the dawn." screw you whoever said that.  what if there will never be a dawn?  what if there was a child born on a Thursday - and it all came true?  "Thursday's child has far to go."

what if, for some children, dawn never comes.