how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Where We Watched the Fireworks


This is our cove, called Whale Cove. Was our cove. We'd sit on these rocks looking out over the island and the fireworks would be launched out of the harbor, beyond the point on the left side of the photo where the houses are.

I shot this photo just as we got settled to have a picnic, watch the sun set, and then wait for the fireworks.

It was a beautiful day, just the two of us. My children couldn't fly up for the day but they called and we talked for a long while. Then my husband and I went to the cove, climbed out on the rocks, and settled in for the show.

I'm glad I didn't know it was our last Fourth of July celebration together. We lived for that day and it is a day that I am holding onto today.

I am still very melancholy, wishing, wishing I was there with him right now.

Peace to all of us who hurt.

2 comments:

Widow in the Middle said...

What a gorgeous place and lovely memory. I hope reminiscing brought you some peace despite the melancholy.

Continue to take care - my heart is with you as you face the future.

womanNshadows said...

thank you for talking to me. and you, keep telling us about you. i'm here.

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