how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Monday, August 24, 2009

it came


i finally had enough money for my Dragon's urn.

we had talked about what he and i wanted a year before he died when he had to have his heart stint replaced. we were both going to be cremated and have our ashes combined and then given to the sea.

i've been saving and having a hard time with it, but i finally got the money. and i ordered his urn, our urn. it is silver and has seagulls etched in it. i put his dog tags and his little ceramic skunk that he and his Marine Corps fire team got and put on leather cords to wear. my Dragon said they picked the skunk because they always got the missions that really stunk.

so it's here. it came. my daughter came over after work and helped me. i've got it set up on my mantle with his flag, his medals, my pewter dragons, and............

7 comments:

Supa Dupa Fresh said...

Wow -- this is beautiful -- I should post a picture of Gavin's urn soon too.
THANK YOU!
X
Supa

Widow in the Middle said...

The urn is beautiful and representative of the love of the sea you shared with your Dragon. I hope that now that it has finally arrived, you will feel some relief, peace and comfort.

Suddenwidow said...

It is beautiful! Glad it arrived safely.

Split-Second Single Father said...

So glad you were able to get your urn. By posting the picture, you have allowed me to find beauty in the sea gulls I tend to take for granted. Thank you.

womanNshadows said...

Supa Dupa, i'd love to see your photo.

Widow in the Middle, the seagulls is why i picked this one. i feel good that he is in such a beautiful object. he deserves everything, and then some.

Suddenwidow, i mostly posted the photo for you, so you could see since we talked about it on the phone Sunday. =0}

womanNshadows said...

SSSF, seagulls are often called dirty and noisy. but as often as the Dragon and i walked down to the beaches we got to see their characters and personalities. they are still loud and dirty but we named them so they became ours to watch over together. and with our common love of the ocean, this urn seemed perfect for us.

judemiller1 said...

I love the urn motif--as I love the ocean. I am so glad you got it...it is truly beautiful...if such a thing can be beautiful?

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