how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

this is me.....

my son gave me this. he saw it and thought of me. my son understands very well what i'm feeling. such a nice young man.

http://xkcd.com/162/


5 comments:

Suddenwidow said...

I wish I had thought to spin backwards to keep him with me longer. It was very sweet of your son to forward that to you. He gets it.

I couldn't respond to your post yesterday because I was crying and I needed to catch my breath. I am so pissed off that your Dragon isn't here and you cannot move to your island. I can understand why it would call to you. Austin would have been drawn there as well and would have said that was the perfect job for him. And then I got thinking how sad I was for you and how sad I was that Austin never got to live a stress free life on the sea like he'd craved, like we were going to live once he retired. And I couldn't stop crying last night. But today I've caught my breath and I'm just angry that we're having to live this crappy reality. Do you think if we spin backwards long enough we could turn back time? Just thinking......

womanNshadows said...

hey, it worked for Superman in the first movie. he made the earth rotate backwards until Lois Lane's death was only a probability that he easily fixed. let's all start spinning. maybe if enough widows and widowers start spinning, we can make it all seem to be a bad, bad dream.

Boo said...

Oh, how many times have I thought of Superman flying round the world 3 times since Cliff died? Too many ... Your son "gets it" for sure. xxx

Suddenwidow said...

I'm buying my Superman costume today. Now, that would be a sight, me in spandex!!!

Thanks for the giggle - be thankful you don't have the visual :)

Boo said...

LOL, thanks for the giggle you guys xx

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