anyone out there? anyone at all?
health-wise, i am not doing well. saving up money to go back to the doctor. hopefully before the pills run out. will need a renewal on my scripts soon.
i still don't test my blood glucose. don't have a meter. don't know how. can't afford the class yet. still waiting on April 2012 for insurance. i work hard, almost 40 hours a week. not quite full-time.
i do my best. my best is not good enough. each morning i wake up very low blood sugar-wise. i tremble. i eat something quickly ~ applesauce, banana, both. but i have been leaving for work shaky. hungry. low on energy. they don't know. i never let them see how low i am. work hours are performance based. so i perform.
when lunch comes, i am at the end of my rope with regards to energy. i inhale the food at times. other times i eat slow and fight to keep it down.
i am down because of this. emotionally down as well as physically down. my Carl would be afraid for me. i have lost 11 pounds in the last 6 weeks and that's without trying. i just don't eat enough and i work a lot.
when i come back here, i work on a quilt that is taking me far too long, and yet, i cannot work too many hours on it every day. i am wiped out and shaking from exhaustion.
and God help me, i sometimes don't work on it at all. i take care of my dogs. i eat something. i go to bed at 8:30.....like tonight.
i am failing. i am falling. there is no one to catch me but me, but my arms are far too tired.
Bunny is physically very run down, but she has to keep going. she cannot quit because there is no one to catch her. no doctor who will help her without an unGodly amount of money. i have no idea where my body stands with regards to this condition i have. all i can do is keep doing what i am reading, eating what i can afford that fits both conditions, and try to keep going on this journey and get to wherever it is i am going to end up.
i wish with all my heart that he were still here. i need someone to talk to. i need someone to help me prepare food. i need someone to check on me. i need my Dragon back. i can't do this alone. i can't afford a doctor. Dragon would find a way. somehow, i have not been able to.
2 years, 5 months tomorrow. seems like forever. seems like nothing.