how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, October 5, 2012

2 things i've never done before

"death is a wild ride and a new road."

it hit me and i finally said it out loud.  it echoed a little bit.  and now i'm writing it.

of all the things i've written since i started this blog over 3 years ago,
this is the first time i've written this.

now i've said it.  now i've written it down.  2 things i've never done before.

 ~

he left me.

4 comments:

Honyb50 said...

Mine left me as well-I can't fathom it. It hurts so bad. I want what never be again. Does the pain ever stop???

judemiller1 said...

Reality--I hate it!

Anonymous said...

I know it doesn't ease the pain, but know that while your Dragon may have left you, he most certainly didn't want to.  

Peace and warm thoughts to you on these dark days.  

abandonedsouls said...

thank you all. a moment when i faltered. i know he didn't want to go. just a dark, dark evening here that particular moment in time.

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