i waited a long time for a chance to do something fun; to go somewhere. for the last 3 years i've read about people having trips and going places to get away; to be with friends and/or family.
and now it was my turn.
i made a Bunny for my son and took it with me. she watched the flight trip screen on the plane the whole trip. that's how excited we were.
so he took me to Universal Studios first to have some crazy fun. we rode rides where we when fast and ones where we got really soaked. and then we got off, ran around, and rode them again.
i took hundreds of photos throughout the whole trip. when i left there, my heart was sinking a bit. i relaxed for the first time in years. i felt good for the first time in years. my son was the lead, taking care of everything. if i mentioned i was hungry, i had food in short order. he asked if i was thirsty while handing me a bottle of cold water he'd brought. i felt safe and loved. my son is so much fun to be with. we had long conversations and laughed so much. we played games on his XBox, the kind where you stand in front of it and are part of the game. it was hysterical.
and when i left there, i immediately started missing him. i miss him so very much. my children and my dogs are my heart and soul. they always were, and my husband was my breath. now that he is gone, it is all about my children. i hid my tears when he took me to the airport. he parked and walked me in. he saw me to the security point. i had to watch him walk away and it damn near killed me. but i had to get back to the life i have here.
i left a bunny behind to sit with the golf bear i made him when he got the job at the Golf Channel. they both sit in a place of honor in his home.
i had forgotten how to have fun. i do not have faith in other people. lost it along the way somewhere between being forgotten and being left behind. but with my children i see that i can play. i can have fun. i just need to feel safe to let go a bit.
i wish he lived closer. he wishes it, too. i always have a home with him. he said that. he will always make sure i am safe. and i do, feel safe. seeing his face when he said it to me, his eyes, the seriousness, the dedication and love he has for me. i know i can always turn to him.
i love you, my handsome little boy. i accept that you're all grown up and i am so very proud of you.
~ love, mom