how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

far too tired

“it’s probably my job to tell you life isn’t fair, but i figure you already know that. so instead, i’ll tell you that hope is precious, and you’re right not to give up.”
― C.J. Redwine, Defiance

but my God, in between the not fair and the fight hanging on to hope and not giving up, there is a lot of tired; the kind of tired that a good night's sleep cannot take care of. 
the Bun is very tired.


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