it's almost Easter.
my grief has been with me for 6 years now.
i don't know if i can call it grief.
i am not in deep grief. it has been 6 years.
but i miss him and i call myself widow, not single.
i wear my wedding rings.
is what i feel grief? or have i moved on?
i haven't moved on from him but i have moved on with my life.
i'm not stagnant. i work. i consider my needs. i think about my family.
i make plans. i hope for things like a nice vacation,
pain control of my foot and my arm.
but it is Spring.
it is Easter, almost.
it is a time to reflect and rejoice.
i have so much to be grateful for.
i have these guys. my roomies.
i love my Carmen Sophia and Scootie Wootums.
we cuddle, walk, talk; we live together, truly live our lives.
we dance and laugh and watch tv. they wait for me when i am at work and rush home to them.
i love them so very much.
i have my son who is so wonderful. i am so proud of him.
he has a great job and would do anything for me.
he helped me buy my car. he got me my new fancy phone.
he calls me once or twice a week.
most of all that is so important to me,
he confides in me. he tells me things.
he treats me like his mom and not his aging mother.
i love him so very much.
i have these two. my daughter and grandson.
they bring such joy to my life.
my daughter and i talk 2 - 3 times a day during my work days.
on my days off, we talk more than that.
and i go see her and help her out.
we play with Finn. we talk and talk as women will do.
she worries about me and i worry about her.
we are kindred spirits
as well as mother and daughter.
and i have my Sanctuary.
a place of my own.
a place i have made my own.
a place i retreat to and feel safe.
i miss him. i talk to him. i talk about him.
am i still grieving?
i truly have no idea what to call it.
i know i have so much to be happy about.
do i wish he were here to be a part of it?
yes.
am i over his death?
i am over the fear and shock.
but i am not over him not being here.
do i deal with it in a healthy way.
i don't know what someone would call this, but this works for me.
i wish everyone a happy Spring.
i wish those who believe a happy Easter.
peace to all who read. peace and light to all who grieve.
