how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

meat and embroidery

Bunny has meat! 4 chicken boobs. 4 big hamburger patties. 4 sirloin steaks. 4 huge hot dogs. 4 gourmet baked potatoes. did Bunny say gourmet? yes, she did. see one of them up there sitting in her lap? Bunny keeps putting on her Dragon's watch cap to sit in the freezer to talk to her food. she wants each little individually wrapped piece of meat to know that she will get to each of them in turn. they will all be cooked and eaten with gratitude and enthusiasm.

steak! Bunny has not had a steak since her Dragon died, in over 19 months. steak is so upper crusty high class. Bunny had stopped looking at steak. but now she has 4 of them. 4 meals in which a steak is going to be on her plate.

i want to thank C. for the gift of the Omaha meat. she and her husband, who is Army but that's okay {little Marine joke} are together gathering things from his life in the Army for a "Hero Quilt" they want me to make.

i have a steak correctly thawed as per the the Omaha Meat People's instructions ~ frig thaw only to preserve the juiciness of it ~ and it is marinating right now. tonight Bunny will light candles and take an official break from work. she will eat a steak and a potato for supper tonight while sitting down and watching television. she won't balance the plate on her lap while she works on her photography. she is going to chew slowly, savoring each morsel. tonight, Bunny will be well fed.

thank you, C., from the bottom of my heart.

and this afternoon, Bunny finished the back of a quilt. after supper she will begin the embroidery work on the front. she is so excited. so many beautiful words. so many great ideas for drawings to embroider on the quilt.

if you cannot tell from the photo up there, Bunny is smiling.


Anonymous said...

I have your blog saved and look to see what you've posted every day but especially for the pictures. I've never commented but I have to tonight. You do the funniest things with that bunny. She is so cute. Where did you get her? I hope you enjoyed your steak tonight.


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