how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Bunny has a new puppy

i am so down. oh, Lord, i am down. depressed. sad at the thought of what my life has become; what it is without him. i am so very sad.

i know it will improve a little. probably a lot over time. you know, 11 years from now i may not be this sad. hey, i may not even be here, but if i am, i probably, might not be this sad.

so i had to do something whimsical. my Ambassador is out there in the world for all of you. my Bunny needed to do something silly for me, so yesterday, Mother's Day, we were at work together and she ran to the back. she got into my locker and dug in my purse for my debit card. she came running back out and dug through our little "kennel pals" and found the perfect one. Bunny bought her.

here she is.
here she is up close.
silly Bun. she bought herself a puppy. we have decided to name her Juliet. yes, from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

Juliet said in Act 3, Scene 2:
"and when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of Heaven so fine and all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun."

Bunny and Juliet love looking at the night sky. they think it is easier to see Heaven, and certainly it is easier to see the moon.

pssst. he is coming back. the moon. isn't he beautiful up there? that is tonight's moon. the moon of the 9th of this month. 2 years, 3 months tonight. we were out there gazing at it with what i know was intense longing and sadness reflected in our eyes. i sighed as i held Bunny in my arms and she signed as she held Juliet in her little fuzzy arms.

i love you, Carl, my beautiful, handsome Dragon.


thelmaz said...

Cute little bunny. I'm so glad she has a puppy. Is Bunny going to be traveling soon?
Hope your health is better. Come by my blog and pick up your Versatile Blogger Award. TZ

Sandy said...

What a cute puppy! I got your email and am looking forward to Bunny's arrival.

judemiller1 said...

So glad Bunny has her very own puppy to hold.

Boo said...

I'm glad you did one thing to bring pleasure. Cute pet for the Bun :-)

womanNshadows said...

Woof! love, Juliet.

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