how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Bunnies let loose on the world

there are Bunnies let loose out there in the world. i've sent them off. one is the Traveling Ambassador with photos here sent from their hostesses. the other is Lucy Starshadow who is in a box awaiting a FedEx pickup in the morning. she will fly to Minnesota.

the Ambassador will eventually come back to me. Lucy will live forever up with Suzann and be part of the Grief Project.

Lucy is pictured up top with Beach Bunny. the two are saying their final words. they will probably not see each other again. sayonara ~ since it must be so.

the following photos are of the Ambassador Bun sitting quietly contemplating what the widows do not say. she mediates on the photos set up for her. photos of her beside a photo. photos of her being involved in whimsey.

grief and whimsy. her whole reason for being.

she is learning a lot from what is said to her. she is learning a lot from what is being written in her journal.

and she is learning a whole lot more from what is not said; just from how she is set up for pictures.
"i walked a mile with pleasure.
she chatted all the way
but left me none the wiser
for all she had to say.
i walked a mile with sorrow
and ne'er a word said she,
but, oh, the things i learned from her
when sorrow walked with me."
~ Robert Browning Hamilton
the Ambassador feels very deeply about what she is doing. she feels needed and wanted and that's all any little soft stuffed Bunny-girl can ask for.

Lucy will soon be doing the same thing for the Grief Project. she won't travel around, but sit quietly and wait for those who mourn to come to her. Lucy is a Bunny who will live her life as a soft reminder that there is comfort to be found when the whole world is falling down around you.

she will always be your 3 AM friend.

good work, Bunny. good work, Lucy. i can hardly wait for Ambassador Bun to come home to me. i will miss Lucy something awful, but i know i have to let her go. she is one Bunny i was not meant to keep.

it was something in her eyes.

Bunnies let loose on the world. it could be worse.

3 comments:

judemiller1 said...

Oh how wonderful--for Lucy and you to be part of the project. Bun will have a ton of stories to tell you when she gets home--I can't wait to hear some of them--that is, unless they are secret.

Suzann said...

Bunny will see Lucy again when you and Bunny come to Minnesota - that is ahead for us. I love you Susan from the bottom of my heart. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

How lovely of you to send Lucy off. I'm waiting for Bunny. We have lots to do and see here. Google is apparently having trouble letting people post so I'm Anoymous for now. Thelma Z

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