how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

where Bunny has been

Bunny has been quiet. she is tired. so much going on in her fuzzy little mind. talking about her past via email to a widow who is being her grief counselor. she is thinking about her future, and missing her beloved Dragon.

no full moon for her tonight. 99% is not full though the naked eye cannot tell the difference. but Bunny knows. she feels it in her soul. her lovely Dragon died on the night of the full moon. full. and that is the moon she craves.

she anticipates it like a lover anticipates the arrival of her mate. Bunny's mate flew past the moon to where she cannot go and he did it on the night of the full moon.

rain comes and blocks the moon. it is shining up there without Bunny to gaze upon. she is missing it and she is pensive. restless. why, after this month that she has had, why take away her one night with the moon? to beat her down further? to make her weaker? to make her cry?

she is sad and tired and lonely. Bunny grieves. she wishes with all her heart for a different road to drag her fuzzy little self along. she's really draggin'. dragon. poor little Bunny. she always goes there. any link she can come up with to get to him.

she closes her soft little eyes and tries to see him. she tries to see the moon.

ahh, there it is.


judemiller1 said...

It was here last night. I thought of you.

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