how did i get here?
my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
his birthday has passed. he will always be to me the age he was when he died. handsome with his silvery white hair and beard. the color of moonlight. his eyes with their devilish gleam. his booming laugh. he will never age. he will never become infirmed with a slow, old man's gate or trembling hands. he will always be, in my memories, virile, active, a Dragon among men. so powerful an image. if only you could have seen him climbing over the rocks beside the ocean where we lived together. fearless.