how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Bunny changes passwords and email

i want him back right now! bring him back! i am scared! i have been changing passwords at the bank even because i got so scared. i called the bank and told them that my email account had been stolen and he was so nice. he talked me through changing my passwords and my email account info.

but, oh, Dragon, i get so upset by things and i really wish you were here. it is not that i do not know what to do or how to do it, it would just be better if you were here to do it with.
i am so upset by this. it is a stupid thing. so if you have a hotmail account, do not believe the email that claims it is from the Hotmail Team and claims you need to verify your account. it is a BIG FAT LIE.
so email me at please, all the widows who are hosting Bunny, please email me there. i am just switching over to that and hoping and praying that the real Hotmail team can at least retrieve my folders of emails about Traveling Bunny, from my Dragon, and my poems. i had saved so much in folders. i am heartbroken about this.

Dragon! i want you!


Suddenwidow said...

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with all this crap! I don't understand how this happens, but I did get a weird email that appeared it was from you and it was asking for money because you were stranded in Spain. Since I knew you weren't in Spain, I deleted it, figuring something was up. But I never imagined "they" had stolen your email address! I hope Hotmail is able to get all your stuff back!!! Surely they can. Keep us posted.

I know that when crap happens, it's not that we can't deal with it without our husbands, but it would be so much better to have them here. Totally get it.

I'll email you as soon as Bunny arrives.

J-in-Wales said...

So sorry you are having to deal with this now. I hope you manage to retrieve your poems. And give yourself a pat on the back for thinking about changing your other passwords - so much better to be safe.

Looking forward to seeing Bunny's first pictures!
J xxx

judemiller1 said...

I think a lot of these problems come from having an account on Facebook--I receive so much spam since I signed up with them I am thinking of deleting my account there. Glad you got it straightened out.

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