how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Ambassador Bun is on her way once again

she's been all "around the block" a few times.
Canada, England,
Wales, Australia,
Arizona, Alaska,
Houston, and now she's headed to....
Elmendorf, Texas. after that, she heads to Maine.

the Traveling Ambassador of Grief and Whimsy has visited
some very wonderful people.
she has listened to them,
gone to work with them,
slept beside them,
but mostly
she has
listened to them.

and in the end,
that's all we really want;
for someone to come where we are sitting quietly,
and listen to us.

after Maine, she may head back to Texas for Thanksgiving and Christmas,
or to South Carolina and then Texas.
after Christmas though,
the Ambassador moves on to
California, then Chicago, and then St. Paul.

and finally, she will be returned to me.
i miss her. silly i know with all the bunnies i have here,
but she IS the Ambassador of Grief and Whimsy.
she's my girl, my bun, my creation.
i dreamed her up over the sad, lonely Christmas of 2010.

her tour has taken on a life of its own.
i am proud of her and what she does.
i am always a little caught off guard that
everyone responds to her as they do.
she's just a stuffed bunny,
but it's her face.
her lovely, gentle eyes and her soft Bunny face,
i think,
that captures everyone's heart.

if you have already had a visit from her, i hope it was as wonderful as your photos look.
if you have not, she is coming. i promise. i am manipulating her itinerary so that
she comes to you as you wish as best as i can.
i hope she is worth the wait.
she is such a snuggly Bun,
such a good listener,
and her journal is ready for you to write in.
her little patchwork bag has a small gifty in it for you.
everyone gets one.
the widow in South Carolina already has
more to put in her bag to make sure you all get one.

the Ambassador Bun is on the move again.
she will get to you. she promises.

peace to all who read.
peace and light to all who grieve.


thelmaz said...

I see you got the pictures I sent. I am missing Bunny but I am happy to share her with this wonderful group of widows.

MandyMy said...

I love the Bunny update, and I really love all the pics!!! Hope that peace is filling your heart! Hugs and love!

Lonesome Dove said...

The Bunny has arrived! Thank you Thelma for sending her on to me.

abandonedsouls said...

Beach Bunny is smiling.

judemiller1 said...

Such a wonderful idea YOU had. I love the photos.

Juliet said...

I hope you are feeling better!

Suzann said...

Lucy Starshadow and I are waiting for the Ambassador...she will share some winter with us. Love you. xoxoxo

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