how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Bunny's desperation

Bunny is sick. she has a cold. she is snuggling up close to her humidifier. nice humidifier. good humidifier. take care of Bunny. help her get over this. please, please don't let her get pneumonia again.

i miss you, Carl. i miss you more and more with each little catastrophe. i miss you more and more with each nice little thing that happens that i cannot find you to tell you about it. simply put, i miss you. and time is not easing the ache. not yet anyway.

a hug. come give me a little hug. a hug is all i need and i think i can do this a little longer.
Posted by abandonedsouls at 8:39 PM
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2 comments:

Dan said...

Missing them hasn't.changed, you're so right. There is still that instinct to turn, and share the moment with them.

Take care of yourself, and I hope you get to feeling better soon.

August 27, 2011 at 11:14 AM
megan said...

"more and more with each nice little thing that happens that i cannot find you to tell you about"

*

August 27, 2011 at 5:03 PM

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