how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, August 5, 2011

happy birthday, my love

"i wish for a moment that Time would lift me out of this day, and into some more benign one. but then i feel guilty for wanting to avoid the sadness; dead people need us to remember them, even if it eats us, even if all we can do is say i’m sorry until it is as meaningless as air." ~ Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler’s Wife

4 comments:

Sandy said...

I am glad you have enabled comments again! I know this is a tough time for you right now and I also know that nothing I say can make it all better. Just please know I think of you often and hope for a bit of peace for you.

megan said...

haapy birthday dragon.

abandonedsouls said...

thank you both for your kindness. peace.

judemiller1 said...

As long as there is someone on this earth who remembers him--he is not really gone--he is waiting just beyond that door. Happy Birthday, Dragon.

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