how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Monday, November 23, 2009

i am thankful for my online "sisters" and SSSF.

i've been extremely depressed missing my Dragon. very rough times. you know what i'm talking about. but i finished some fun things tonight. i wanted to send this photo out to you all. also inclusive is Split Second Single Father. i think of you and your daughter and include you both in my prayers as well. we're all "family" on our respective journeys. thank you all for reading and commenting and keeping up with me. it makes my isolation easier to roll with.

i hope everyone has a peaceful Thanksgiving and for Boo across the Pond, i think you may be the little fishy on the far right. you have a nice dorsal fin on top and the little fins on the sides are from my Dragon's socks. (the two white fish and the white horse are made from my Dragon's socks. i had to. i need something for me.)

i'll post photos of my Thanksgiving with my son, his girl, my daughter, her husband, and his dad. i'll be the blonde behind the camera. =0}

peace to all.

2 comments:

Boo said...

I AM that little fishy, because that is the right colour for me!!!! PINK PINK PINK :-) I love that ... it has made my day seeing that photo, thank you xxxx

Thank you for taking the time to do something for YOU. It's about time. (Like the backdrop of the photo too ... I would recognize that anywhere!)

We are all finding this harder aren't we? The air, the winter, the holidays, the everything, the moon, the stars, the memories, the pain, it's endless. It's shit.

Stuck record, I know ... but I so wish we all lived closer.

I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but I too am so grateful for my sisters in arms (and brothers). And I'd just like to say thank you to you. You have waved that magic needle and managed to "talk me down" when I have been literally losing the plot. Thank you my sister. xxx

womanNshadows said...

anytime, Boo. your words have done the same for me. thank you.

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