how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Matthew West ~ Save a Place for Me

a woman who stumbled across my writing here sent me an email with this link for this song. she thought it sounded like it was written for me, and oh, my God, it does feel like it.

i have to put it up and say thank you to her. i won't post her name for privacy but bless you for knowing about this song and sending me the link. though i cried and cried listening to it, there is comfort for me here. i'm going to itunes now and spend the 99 cents to have it on my little baby ipod.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUjL6bVD2vw

if i got it wrong look up Matthew West and the song is called "Save a Place for Me." i hope it makes others feel better as it did me for this awful-for-some-reason-that-i-don't-know-why weekend.

don't be mad
if i cry
it just hurts so bad, sometimes
'cause everyday it's sinking in
and i have to say goodbye all over again.

you know i bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
i'm dreaming of the day when i'm finally there with you.

save a place for me
save a place for me
i'll be there soon
i'll be there soon
save a place for me
save some grace for me
i'll be there soon
i'll be there soon

i have asked the questions why
but i guess the answers for another time
so instead i pray, with every tear
and be thankful for the time i had you here.

save a place for me
save a place for me
i'll be there soon
i'll be there soon
save a place for me
save some grace for me
i'll be there soon
i'll be there soon

i wanna live my life just like you did
make the most of my time just like you did
and i wanna to make my home up in the sky
just like you did

but oh, until i get there,
until i get there

save a place for me
save a place for me
'cause i will be there soon
save a place for me
save some grace for me
i'll be there soon
i'll be there soon



7 comments:

Boo said...

thanks for sharing this ... I just saw it on Facebook. I think it speaks to all of us, so again, thank you so much for sharing it. xxx

womanNshadows said...

=0}

Split-Second Single Father said...

I've heard several of his songs on the radio, but not this one. As I was listening to the first verse my daughter walked up to the computer and asked me what I was listening to. I said "an artist I like", to which she replied "it sounds like he's singing about Mommy". Guess his message is evident, even to little ones.

Thanks for sharing.

womanNshadows said...

out of the mouths of babes.

judemiller1 said...

It's beautiful.

womanNshadows said...

hey, jude. (how many times have you heard that?) =0} i did indeed download it onto my computer. last night i put itunes up instead of the radio.

Pam said...

what a wonderful song...

Post a Comment