i woke up sick this morning. it's all in my chest. feels like iron weights are sitting on my sternum. i faked feeling better than i do so my son wouldn't be upset that he had to drive back to his home to be back at work tomorrow. fibbed to my daughter.
the tide has moved in silently and lifted my significant little boat and carried it out into the darkness. the heaven's are so black making the water even darker. what's darker than black? my soul. but if i lay back and look up at the sky, i can see millions of pinpricks of silver light. i'm also watching the moon get fuller so i guess the black night is not total.
i miss him so much. i'm thankful. i'm grateful. i'm careful. i'm dancing on the head of a pin. i know it defies God but i'd really like to talk to him one more time. how many have said that to their own darkness? they miss their loved ones. well, me, too.
but i have to try. if i listen very carefully, i can hear the soft rustle of dragon wings. i think it's him. i'm pretty sure it is. i think he's reconnoitering. i hope he doesn't see how bad i look. i hope he doesn't know how much i cry. i hope he doesn't sense the fear that probably emanates from me in waves. but it's a kind of comfort to believe/pretend that he's out there in the dark skies where he feels so at home. but then again, maybe he's waiting for me. maybe he does know how bad it is and from where his new perspective, he knows how good it will be when we're together again.
i'm going to go lay down now. shhhhhhh. i hear wings.