how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bunny's Mansion ~ part one

{i have been very down and i know that only i can reach down, find me, and bring me up to the surface. so with that goal in mind, bear with me as i allow my inner Beach Bunny to give you a tongue-in-cheek guided tour of her mansion.}

Town and Country wanted to do a spread on the fabulous home of the unknown artist, Beach Bunny, but she opted to do her own photo essay for her handful of virtual friends here. Beach Bunny is a reclusive artist whose claim to fame is being the wife/widow/wife of the unknown Marine who served his country in wildly famous ways. his exploits are spoken of in hushed tones in underground garages and in debugged government buildings. no one but a handful know of him but Bunny does and she keeps his memory as a permanent flame in her heart.

Bunny's offbeat sense of humor explains the wife/widow/wife vernacular. "i was his wife. then he died and i was labeled his widow. but i still feel like his wife. so there it is." isn't she a hoot? we love her brevity and stoicism. it's that ability to see things in black and white that give Bunny her rare gift of gab.

Bunny lives in a wonderfully bohemian kind of place. her flair for decorating on a shoe-string is such a blessing since she lives on a shoe-string budget. see how these things work out?

in her first self-portrait, Bunny sits beside her front door {her only door} welcoming all who come by {99% of the time it's her daughter}. you see her keys hanging by a USMC lanyard from the doorknob and her walking stick and glove for her arthritis perched on it for "handy" retrieval. Bunny's knees get iffy so her Dragon's walking stick comes in handy to help her balance on those slippery slopes plus to fend off all the myriad of dogs off the leash that zip around to attack her and her beloved Scotties. to the lower right on the floor, you can see Bunny's husband's blue rope bag full of carabiners and climbing ropes. Bunny's husband, her famous Dragon, used to mountain climb for fun and on some of his little adventure's out of the country. now Bunny uses the bag of ropes as a B&E deterrent, placing it on the floor in front of the door when she retires for the night. silly Bunny. doesn't she know that burglars will climb up onto her balcony and use a glass cutter on her sliders? but she lives in the fantasy world thinking that her Dragon's bag of ropes will keep her safe. that and her barky little dogs.

Bunny's walls are white and she is not allowed to paint them because, well, she doesn't own the place, but one day, Bunny will own a place and the first thing she will do is paint the walls.

now here we have Bunny's television. her Dragon had purchased it when the first moved out to Cape Ann. it is a flat screen and has HD. lucky, lucky Bunny. above the television is a collection of old flags Bunny found in the trash can in a cemetery. they had been put out at the graves of veterans and then thrown away because, well, Bunny has no idea why. our heartsick little Bunny asked the cemetery crew if she could have them and they unceremoniously reached in and handed them to her. with them, she reverently made the wall hanging and embroidered the names of the young men from every POW bracelet she ever wore. the last one has her husband's name.

see our little Beach Bunny sitting on that work table? she is protectively guarding the work she is doing for her fairy godmothers. shhhhh everyone. it's a secret. off to the left you can just see a glimpse of Bunny's office in the frame. and that's where we go next. step to the left, please. {or simply scroll down.}

and here we are at the last photo of today's posting, Bunny's office. here is where the photographs are color corrected, the novels are worked on, and where you have come to know the Bunny we few have come to know.

on the mantle you can easily see Bunny's shrine to her Dragon. his urn, photos, his medals, and of course, his folded flag are seen along with the little Dress Blues bear that Bunny holds so dear. her Dragon's boonie hat is perched on a piece of driftwood that has some of the many things found on the cove Bunny and her Dragon lived beside so lovingly. in front of the fireplace is a piece of driftwood that has more things washed up on the beaches Bunny and her Dragon frequented along with white twinkle lights wound around it. Bunny turns on each evening the make her think of stars.

of some note, above the mantle are two photos of Bunny's Dragon but in the middle is a very rare flag made of red, white, and blue silk. this is the flag that belonged to Bunny's great grandmother when Bunny's grandfather went off to fight in World War I. our Bunny has a deep sentimental side to her. no wonder her feelings can be easily bruised.

shown sitting in her chair, which is actually her Dragon's chair {Bunny had previously used a laptop and would curl up on the floor amongst pillows to write. we told you our Bunny was a bohemian better suited to a Bedouin tent.}, Bunny rests her back against "puppy up close" pillow that she made. and on the floor can be seen her Scotties doggie bed that they never sleep in, but where they leave their many dollar store toys that Bunny breaks down and buys whenever she finds loose change in the sofa cushions.
this is Bunny's photo essay so far. she is a Bunny who knows how to play us, isn't she? she is making us wait for views of the rest of her simple yet lavish little home even though she already took the photos. crazy Bunny.

tomorrow, Bunny promises photos of her studio, her living room, and that famous chair we see parts of so often in her not-quite-famous Bunny photos. we can hardly wait. and as Bunny has seldom said in the last 14 months, but her Dragon had been teaching her to do, Carpe Diem.


Anonymous said...

Dear Lady,

I love it. Funny, funny woman. Fight to keep your spirits up. I can hardly wait for tomorrow.

Semper Fi

Dan, in real time. said...

Photo journalism at it's best. I feel so honored to be in on the tour of Bunny's mansion. I eagerly await the next installment!

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