how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Bunny's Mansion ~ part three

we here at Lifestyles of the Small and Insignificant would like to say, "we were wrong." we said there would be three entries but there will be four. we - drum roll - apologize. now how many people say that and mean it? few. but we are part of the few. we are proud to stand with the mistake-makers and say, "we were wrong and we APOLOGIZE!" raise your hands with us and .... okay, we're getting carried away.

this will be the next to last entry. so here is today.

Bunny's kitchen. it is behind Bunny's famous chair and shares the wall with her studio. a more lavish yet practical layout we have yet to see.

see her pictures and magnets on her refrigerator? and see all the flags on top? she loves Old Glory. she loves pictures. Bunny loves color. all the white drives her crazy so she covers as much of it up as possible.

sitting beside her Mr. Coffee tea maker, Bunny goes public with the awareness that she drinks green tea all day every day. she is quite the tea drinker, and an underground one at that. that is until C. Everett Koop declared his love of tea and Bunny came out from underneath the tea leaves. now she's an unabashed, and unapologetic we might add, tea drinker.

her dogs have their dishes on the floor beside their water bowl. all is neat and tidy in her little kitchen.

ah, so, that's it we guess. ah, okay. on the wall above Bunny are her photos of her moon. all across her wall. moon after moon after moon.....

poor Bunny. she wishes she didn't have so many moons.

stepping out of the kitchen we glance to the left and see Bunny's long hallway. Bunny used to have the bamboo bead curtains loose but her silly Scotties kept running back and forth through them. when she told them to stop, they would. but then she would turn her back and hear those beads again and again. and she'd hear toenails digging into the carpet as they wheeled and turned, pivoting like football players out on the field doing agility drills.

along the doorknobs to two closets, you can see Bunny's bags. Bunny loves bags. she has 5 of them. crazy Bunny. they are all so old but she keeps them anyway. a girl has to have a bag.

and then there is the curtain of mystery. it softens the entrance to the lonely room behind it. the long, lovely wrap is a deep violet and has gold metallic threads and clusters of red and gold crystal beads. it was a gift from Bunny's beloved Dragon. he got it during one of his little trips out of the country. he couldn't say where but he had gone through a little town's bazaar and bought it for her. he brought it home with him and that was the most important thing to Bunny. it had been a dangerous trip he had had to go on but he had come home. as her Dragon had explained to Bunny, "i had to make it back. i had already bought the scarf thing whatever this is. i'm not good with this stuff. i just know it was pretty and you'd like it."

Bunny loves her Dragon and thinks he is so cute.

and last peek this posting, the next to last posting, is Bunny's ladies room. now here is where absolutely no magic happens. Bunny is so laid back that she doesn't wear makeup. she never has. lip balm and moisterizer, a brush through the hair, and the teeth, and Bunny is ready to meet the Queen. Bunny quips, "inner beauty will have to do." such a philosophical lady.

there are photos of lighthouses on the wall as well as photos of her Dragon. if you click to enlarge the photo you will see her Dragon's hairbrush and his toothbrush sitting side by side with Bunny's things. it's not weird. it's comforting.

some of Bunny's necklaces are hanging on the wall and her earring collection sits on the cabinet top. Bunny used to teach 3 and 4 year old preschool and art to kindergarten through 8th grade so she loved wearing all the crazy earrings her students would give her as gifts. dangling flamingos, cows, dragons. Bunny wears them. Bunny is such a fun person to know, such a crazy girl.

once again we are at the end. we hope you enjoyed this part of the tour. and - ahem - forgive us for the misunderstanding about the, ah, number of postings to show all of Bunny's mansion. we are, after all, human.

tomorrow, there will be 4 photos. it will be the last room of Bunny's mansion, her bedroom. she has a proud announcement that she will make tomorrow about it. she's done something that is a step towards getting better. we'll all just have to wait until tomorrow. Bunny sure knows how to drag this out. just as we were getting bored to tears she announces that she has an announcement. now we have to come back just to see what has happened.

for now, this is Lifestyles of the Small and Insignificant saying Carpe Diem.


Anonymous said...

Dear Lady,

I'm sorry about the moons though they are very beautiful. Old Glory. Not many use that term but it's always been the one I held in my heart when I went out. I remember the purple scarf thing. I was in the building doing my own debrief. He had it then. Wouldn't put it down. Rough trip. It's always the little things that keep a man connected to back home. It was something he could hold and imagine your face when he gave it to you. I remember inviting him out to dinner that night but he said no, he was going home.

I'll definitely be checking back on the bedroom and that announcement. Hey, I'm a man and I won't be aplogizing for it.

Semper Fi

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