how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, May 28, 2010

full moon


the moon is full again
and it rises on a soul
that has lost so much will to go on.
i have never needed him more
than i do now.
him being my Dragon.
there is nothing else to say
i can only stare at the moon
and wish for what i can
never have.

3 comments:

Dan, in real time. said...

Beautiful Moon. Sad & Lonely Sentiment.

I hate to admit how much time I spend wishing for what I can never have as well.

judemiller1 said...

What a handsome man there--all dressed up in a white shirt!!!

Anonymous said...

My dear lady,

I have been reading your writings and I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.I know there is really nothing to be said. You are such a treasure and tribute to your Dragon. If I lived in your neighborhood I would surely visit you and our dogs could play together.
Damn proximity.

Please try and stay well for yourself and your children. They do need you very much.

I think of you every day and I pray for you too.

cm

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