yesterday was my Monday with my daughter. i took my poor tired camera with me because the clouds were so interesting. i saw an E cloud and i took this photograph. E is the first letter in my daughter's name. i told her God made the cloud for her. she rolled her eyes. but she did laugh. and that's all i wanted.
so day became night and it was okay. i was okay. i had gotten up and worked until she was ready to come get me. we took me to get quilt batting and then on to Wal-Mart for groceries. i was going fine. we talked about my Dragon and it was good. i got home and put the groceries away then got back to work.
and i was fine. until a show came on at 10 pm and i was riveted. "The Marines." it was an hour and a half long show of the making of a Marine. from boot camp, through officers training, some sniper training though they did not show a lot of it, and speciality combat training.
my Dragon was a Marine Force Recon. he was part of the 1st Force Recon in Vietnam doing 3 tours. after that he did so much more for his country. he did HALO dives in the dead of night. he taught hand-to-hand combat. he was sent out on missions, decades of service to this country. he led sort of a secret life, one i would love to speak to. but promises are promises. i will keep mine to him and let his secrets die with me.
Memorial Day is coming. to him and i it was more than lawn day, or having a cook-out, or even a parade that meant nothing more than parents' had to get their children dropped off by their band or their scout troop. it meant so much more.
my Dragon is a realist but he also embodies the idealism that i have seen in every Marine i have ever had the honor to meet. he believes in God, Country, Corps. he knew the history of the Corps, the battles fought, the strategies used, and never wanted to let that legacy down. he did not let his beloved Corps down. nor his country.
i talk about his stories. i wrote that they are being continued and fleshed out by my constant friend. i never thought i would get to have more of his stories when he died. i cannot thank you, my constant friend, enough for the lift to my spirits. i do need it. it is a crutch i know but without him, i feel like i am spiritually crippled. he is everything to me.
i watched the Marine program. i thought to myself, he stood on those yellow footsteps. he went through the Crucible. he spent 3 tours in Vietnam. he is a sniper. he excelled at all the training he received and kept true to the warrior ethos of the Marine Corps.
i miss him so much. i cried until i feel asleep. it got to the point where i ran out of tears but my body kept heaving with these deep sobs. i miss him. after being with him, everything is pale in comparison. he is my husband. he is my Dragon. he is my Marine and i am so proud of him. i dread another Memorial Day without him. i dread today without him.
i have no idea how to be happy yet. i am only happy thinking of and talking about him and even in that it is bittersweet because he is no longer here.
the 31st is Memorial Day. the full moon will be 3 days passed. it's fitting.