how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Friday, February 4, 2011

death of a friend // end of an era

i just received word that my Dragon's friend, the man who commented here as Brick, was killed in a shoot out with Somalia pirates. i had not heard from him in about two weeks. this was why. he was my Dragon's spotter and trusted friend. Brick would call and email to check up on me. he would tell me stories of his time with my husband. he always said that it was "Dragon's job to do the job and that it was his job to cover his six and get him home to {me}."

home for Brick had been in the Seychelles. he was part of the patrols that went out to protect the ocean from the pirates that plagued those waters. he had protected citizens and tourists with the same honor and dignity that he had when he went out with my Dragon.

now he really is Home. he is up there/out there with my Dragon. i hope they have met up and are having a good time sharing stories. i think i will try to believe that Brick is sitting around with my Dragon, keeping him company while he waits for me.

i am deeply saddened by this news. with Brick's death comes the end of an era and no more stories of my Dragon.

silence reigns.

6 comments:

megan said...

Cr*p. I saw the post title, and hoped it wasn't him. Oh, S, I'm so sorry.

J-in-Wales said...

Oh, I am so, so sorry. I have read many of Brick's caring, supportive posts to you. This is just so bloody unfair.

Suddenwidow said...

I am so very sorry. As I posted on Facebook, I know his stories and memories were a balm for your soul. It is so bloody unfair. I'm sure he and your Dragon are together, watching over you and reliving all their amazing experiences. I am so sad for you.

Travelling Bunny has arrived safely (I just sent you an email) and she sends her love to you and Bunny.

womanNshadows said...

thank you all. i know Dragon has welcomed Brick. i just feel so empty. the phone is so quiet now. no more stories. no more laughter. he was a very kind man to me, very considerate. i pray he is at peace.

i am glad Bunny had arrived. i have been worried about her getting claustrophobic in that box.

Boo said...

I saw the news earlier, and S, I just couldn't write anything. I am so sorry, and I truly believe that they are together. Be nice for them to just be together and not have to do anything for a change ... except maybe explore this universe tonight ... not too far ... so they can both check in on you.

There are no words. There just aren't,
Boo xxx

Sandy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes it seems as though the hits won't stop. Now you have 2 men watching over you.

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