how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Marlene Dietrich friends

"it's the friends that you can call at 4 AM that matter."

Bunny has woken up and smelled the coffee, though she is a green tea drinker. Bunny has friends. all her lamenting not having a friend to come over and talk to her. all her moaning that she does not feel comfortable calling anyone at 4 AM, she solemnly raises her hand and admits she was wrong.Bunny has friends. they just do not live here in town. not a problem. phones and emails. Bunny has her little tribe that has hung with her for the last 2 years. Suzann, Deb, Boo, Dan, Thelma, SSSF (do not count the bunnies up in the photo and compare. those are just all the bunnies i have.} thank you for hanging in there with the Bun/me. she/me loves you all.

we need to all plan to meet at the beach somewhere, somewhere warm that has drinks with umbrellas. we need some together time in the sun laughing and communing. Bunny has a new bikini. oh, don't gag. she has a new bikini. not me.
Bunny talked to one of her Marlene Dietrich friends yesterday. so nice. she hung up knowing she has a sister out there who will answer the phone at 4. she would jump on a plane and come to her if she needed her. {the plane thing? that would be life and death. Bunny does not abuse friendships.}

clap clap. Bunny has friends. she apologizes that it has taken her so long to realize that distance does not matter. you cannot pick your family, but you can pick your friends. you cannot pick where they live, but that does not matter.

love, light, peace, and the awareness that you are all so much and so humbly appreciated.


Sandy said...

I am so glad you have realized you are not alone in this. I have learned that my online friends are some of the best friends I have, no matter how far away they live.

judemiller1 said...

I am glad that Bunny knows this for a fact now. I feel closer to my blogging friends then I do some that live near. It is because we gravitate toward each other in reading the likenesses we share with our blog writing friends.

Dan, in real time. said...

Yes, you do. And you can call consider me a 4 am friend anytime.

Love. Dan

thelmaz said...

Love from one of Bun's friends.
I wish we could all meet somewhere.

Boo said...

I'm crying. No words.

And you are right x

womanNshadows said...

from the bottom of what's left of my heart, thank you all.

Post a Comment