how did i get here?

my husband, my beautiful Dragon, died suddenly at 12:03 AM on 9 February 2009. there was a cold, lovely full moon and 3 feet of snow on the ground. i "slept" for the following 10 months and "woke" to the physical and emotional pain and torments of deep grief. i "woke" to find i had moved the day of his funeral and that i am lost. i am looking for me while i figure out the abstract, unanswerable questions that follow behind any death. my art has evolved. his death changed that as well because i am forever changed and will forever bear the mark of losing the only man i can ever love.
there is alive and there is dead and there is a place in between. i am here wholly in my heart for my children, but i feel empty inside at this time. i miss him. i have not gotten very far in my grief journey. i make no apologies for this.
this is my place, my blog, where i write to tell the universe that i am still here.

Monday, March 7, 2011

referenced from Not Even A Wren's site......

the song from youtube is posted on Megan's Not Even A Wren site. it hit me in the stomach, the lyrics. i love this so very much and needed to hear this song. thank you so much, Megan.

Love Is Our Cross to Bear ~ John Gorka

I didn't know where to look for you last night
I didn't know where to find you
I didn't know how I could touch that light
That's always gathering behind you

I didn't know that I would find a way
To find you in the morning
But love can pull you out of yesterday
As it takes you without warning

I want to be a long time friend to you
I want to be a long time known
Not one of your memory's used-to-bes
A summer's fading song

It's from me, it's to you
For your eyes
It's a weight, a wonder that is wise
I am here, you are there
Love is our cross to bear

I know I'll think of us upon that hill
With the golden moon arising
And the stars will fall around us still
While the love is realizing

And so it is until we meet again
And I throw my arms around you
You can count the gray hairs in my head
I'll still be thankful that I found you


megan said...

you're welcome. I needed it too.

judemiller1 said...

Such a beautiful song! and...I absolutely love the picture of Dragon walking the Scottie's in the snow.

Sandy said...

I am putting together a blog about widows and their pets and I would love your contribution. I believe many of us have pets that have helped us through some tough times and would like to spotlight them. Please send me a picture of your pet (with or without you in it)& be sure to send the link to your blog. One or two sentences about your pet would be appreciated also. I think it will be fun to see all the widow pets I can gather.

Any other widows visiting here are welcome to join in also.

Sandy -

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